Thursday, December 9, 2010

Its about time to type it down.. For me for you and for my son

Year 2010 has been a year out of everything.... A year which changed my life totaly... Torn it up side down...
It started with a document a few years ago with a document... This is the first draft, then i will complete it... It will be a big mess, coz i am writing this just for me to remember, things will show up during this mental trip, things will be repeated...
I am adopted from Thailand fo Sweden, i was 8 month old at that time. My mom and dad had two boys before, one from Philipines and one from Bangkok Thailand, Jens and James (Jimmy).
One day theyve got a call from Thailand that Jimmys younger sister was available for adoption, so they traveled to Th. When they reached BKK there was no kid. They decided to go to Ubon Ratchatani. In Ubon Ratchatani at the orphanage Ave Maria School they had to walk along a lots of cribs to choose a kid.. That kid is me Kim. They made the adoption at the court and got my passport the same day. In the court they met someone who told was my mother. We all went back to Sweden to my new family and siblings. When i was about 5 years old ive got one baby brother and one baby sister also adopted from Ave Maria in Ubon, Jesper and Jenny. At that time we were 5 adopted kids in one family.. Amazing... Our raise were the best.. Summer house big boat and a very calm and saticfeied childhood.
Mom and dad have always loved Thailand about four years ago they bought a house in Hua hin about 200 km south of Bangkok. As you might know, expats are not allowed to own the land just the building in Thailand. While we were talking about it, i just got an idea. Try to find my documents and get a citizen membership.
I started by myself to contact Ave Maria school ( by that time its just a school not orphanage any more) I also contacted some goverment to find anything about me. NOTHING
Just a few month later, it was a tv-show in Sweden, they traced biological families for adopted kids in Sweden. I didnt hesitate, i contacted them just to get some information about the P.I in the show. Anyway. Ive got it and sent a letter to Surin. I told him my short story and also sent him my documents. He was honest from the begining. - Kim not that much documents it will probably not work out well.. During that time i was waiting for some kind of respons from Ave Maria School. Surin contacted me and told; Sorry Kim ive been trying my best but nothing.
TIme for me to realize i am the thrown away unloved kid,that someone didnt care about my future.
Time went by...
Last time i heard from Surin was in Febuary 2009. In September 2009 just the day after i arrived back from BKK, had to go there to meet my social agent at Adoption center. Ive got a e-mail from Surin. It started with "Good or bad news from Ubon" 4 am.
Totaly awake in a second i read the letter...
He had found them!!! My family.. my BIRTHfamily.
He met them and talked to them. They ALL remembers me..
And now what... Life broke heart broke What do they need are they ok. Do they miss me? Are they poor? Are my mom and dad healthy? OMG.. Head spinning.. WHAT TO DO!!
I called my dad after 30 min, my mom was out of town.. DAD meet me at the office in 20.. Poor dad..
We met and i showed him the letter... We called mom.. I was suprised, they were calm and VERY happy for me.. Mom had to out of town for a few days more, but we talked in phone a few times a day..
My life was totaly upside down... Kept contact with Surin and got more information and also pictures...What a feeling or what feeling...
Mom came back to town.. I missed her badly.. the only thing i wanted since the letter was a hug... that special mom hug...
During those days i felt guilt.. Everyone i told fell in tears of happiness for me, while i was feeling guilt...
*Thought from after... I think i felt guilty coz i wasnt there helping them supporting them with what ever they needed...
We talked it over and decided to go there in November... Felt ok to have mom and dad supporting me...
During the time i was restless and empty brain...
Just a few days later i decided to go by myself, i couldnt wait... I told dad... He just wait for this.. He knew.. I had to do this...
I grabbed my bag and left a few days later to BKK.
I had arrange with my lawyer (in my adoption case) and a friend of a friend to go with me to Ubon as support and even translator.
What i felt at that time? NOTHING...
I told myself that this is another buisness meeting... Nothing special, just like people come and goes in ur life...
In Ubon same feeling.. At the hotel same feeling.. when we were in the TUKTUK same feeling, til we went in wrong direction and had to ask.. Is it Kim they asked... Yes it is.. -That way they pointed and started to run following us... I saw a lots of cars and people standing outside a house...
What is this its a meeting in between me bmom and maybe a sister.. NOT like this...
The crowd started to touch me in the same time we stopped... Who are they where is SHE... The crowd split and i saw a short old lady.... There she was, the woman who delivered me...
I didnt know how to act, i HUGGED her... They told me to sit down. I appologize all the time that i was big/tall..
She started to twist my arms... WHY?
Finally she found my rash at my right elbow... It was a birthmark, not a rash.. She remebered that the baby had a birthmark at the elbow.. I was the right kid... Everyone wanted to see and touch the mark.. They started to take pictures at me...
I asked the translator to start tell them my story (i had sent an email to her before i left Sweden telling a little about me)
While they were talking and telling about me, i just made a strange sound..like uuhhuummm...
After three hours i asked to leave.. I knew enough and needed to breath.. We decided to go back following day...
Back at the hotel it felt NOTHING.. STILL NOTHING...
Back to the house after a BIG groceryshopping... This time it was easier, we could make jokes and i took a short walk with bmom..
They showed me where i wa born where my umbelical cord was burried... Felt pretty ok to walk around...
We left and back to Bkk, i stayed one night and then off to Hh...